Wednesday, 9 August 2017

Precious Pieces

Precious Sacred Scenes Unfold

Haunted by the many pieces of me I have willingly given to others,
Others that I made promises to that I was unable to keep,
I want to know how do I atone? How do I get my precious pieces back?

But instead, I find those pieces of me scattered:

Buried underground,
Lost at sea,
Catching Greyhound buses across the country,
Walking through fields of daisies,
Writing poetry in another land,
Living on a nearby mountaintop,
Farming in the Northern Districts,
Hanging by a noose,
Hanging around Purgatory,
In a wedding ceremony to someone else,
At the IVF clinic,
Dying of cancer,
Waiting on train platforms,
Making love to others,
Running through rainy nights to work,
Working the night shift,
Trying to remember who 'Linda' even is.

All irretrievable, all lost,
How do I resume without precious little pieces of me,
My little beauties?

If only I'd known then what I know now,
That it's constancy that wins the day,
So now to remain alone.


Written 25th April, 2017

Tuesday, 8 August 2017

The First Time We Made Love

I remember the first time we made love,
How could I ever forget?
We had our mountaintop home to ourselves for a change,
It was almost twenty years ago to the day,
You'd just had a shower and had a towel wrapped around your waist,
You peeked through the door of my bedroom,
I was lying on my stomach in bed,
And I looked back at you and raised my hips slightly off the bed, beckoning,
That was all the invitation you needed,
You threw off the blankets,
Ripped off your towel,
Pinned me face down to the mattress,
And had your way with me,
Without so much as a "how are you, how's your day going?"
I'd finally found someone to match my passion.

Afterward, we smoked cigarettes,
And talked about the happiness that comes from shopping for antiques :)

Monday, 31 July 2017

Destination Melbourne

What a busy time. I know I haven't written a post for a few months now apart from a bit of poetry here and there. Some really incredible things have happened lately which I'd like to share with you. I was struggling so much with keeping up with this big house and also study and work that I decided to advertise on HelpX for someone to stay here with me and assist me with everything from housework to research for my next Uni assignment in exchange for free accommodation and food. I was so sure no-one would respond as there are a lot of places around here that have placed ads on that website so I didn't even bother adding photos or a description of myself and the house. You can imagine how surprised I was a couple of days later to get a response from a boy who lives in China. I know Chinese people here in my town and my experience is that they are very peaceful and respectful people that make good friends.

Last Thursday night Chunnian landed on my doorstep. I knew we would get along immediately when I showed him to his room and he said, "it's pretty nice." Over the course of the next few hours I was able to introduce him to a jam biscuit which was "pretty delicious" and promite (English vegemite) which was "pretty strange!" But back to the beginning. This boy is the first one in his family to travel overseas and at that point I was the only person he knew in Australia. I was going to call this post The Brave boy or The Wise boy or Lonely Boy or Lost Boy in an effort to explain all of the mixed up emotions I had for him when he first arrived but while he is definitely brave and wise, I've found the other two words don't actually do him justice. If that was me going to a new country where I didn't know anyone I would be terrified to say the least. In fact, I don't think I could do it. I could have been anyone and it could have been a dangerous situation for him but he survives by his wits.

Chunnian is also a Uni student and he shares my love of books and movies. Imagine my delight when he volunteered to learn everything about my culture so I was able to recommend beloved books from my bookcase and DVD's from my home collection to completely immerse him in our culture. I know I may sound like a crazy Christian Colonialist but the truth is that we do have a wonderful history - the Kings and Queens, Princes and Princesses, Prime Ministers and Presidents, the authors and poets and all of the movies based on their lives and the fiction they have created. Not to mention the battles and wars and other historical moments that define us as a race of people here in Australian and also Britain and the USA. In exchange, I'm learning so much about China and it's history. We've both had to admit that as nations our countries have made grave errors in the past and recently but we are both pretty proud of where we come from and patriotic although eager to learn about other countries as well.

Chunnian in Chinese means Spring and his sister's name means 'good news.' I have to admit, there have been times when I've responded with "mmmmhmmm" because the meaning of what he is trying to say has gotten lost in translation but overall the conversation is fluid, seamless and even organic. It's very serendipitous that he arrived on my doorstep since I have adored the Chinese culture and been studying it for some time: I like Chinese medicine, astrology, Taoisms, the food and the language fascinates me. If I was younger and could retain information I would learn the language for sure. As it is I'm used to the Chinese accent and can interpret it easily.

I had no idea but in China there are advertisements and songs about Melbourne which paint this City as one of the best in the world and a kind of paradise. I suppose it is really. I just take it for granted. Like a lot of other Chinese people he is sent to the "lucky country" not only to improve the position of his family but also of the country. They see education as everything and learning is of paramount importance. This is their way of betterment. Chunnian dreams of having a Western wife one day and his ultimate dream is to own some land, probably here in Australia, and have an orchard and cats. But right now, his immediate dream is to attend Melbourne Uni for his engineering degree so that he can build a rocket and travel to where the stars are and I don't see anything holding him back.

I'd like to share this poem with you that Chunnian wrote out for me. Most important of all is that it's originally written in Ancient Chinese which even the Chinese have trouble understanding. I was so chuffed that he was able to translate it into English for me. In bygone days husbands would only get to see their wives one day per year - at the Spring Festival - and the rest of the year they would be away earning income to support their wives and children. This poem is about the feelings of missing each other and yearning for the reunion. After reading this I began to understand where romance and poetry in our Western world stems from :)

Thinking Of You:

Saturday, 15 July 2017

He's Coming For Me:

Listen while you read

Even after the dragon's been slain in the moat,
And after the wall has locked back into place, trapping him inside,
Even when I hear his keys jangling at my door,
I'm still not sure what's going on,
- What's expected of me,
It's because I live in my own world of,
Mistrust, naivete, and innocence.

And then I see him and I start to remember,
He takes me into his arms and I swoon,
And before I know what's happening,
We're both caught up in,
An uncontrollable river in flood,
That washes over us,
Destroying everything in its path,
Sweeping away all doubt, all hesitation,
And leaving nothing in its wake but,
Sweat and sweet surrender,

And then it happens;
We become one again - one heart, one mind, one soul.

Written 15th March, 2017

Her life was right on track...

There was no way anything could stop her now. She was in cruise control with no traffic ahead to break her flow and there was just sun, blue skies and hope all around her. It had taken a long time to reach this place though and it was only with grueling baby steps over many years that she had managed to climb, rung by rung from the abyss by herself. Soon her first Uni assignment would be handed in and once she was along in her studies she just knew that life would begin to ascend even further. She dedicated between 50-70 hours per week to study and work and the trick now was to stay focused - no distractions.

Her bell lit up on her computer. She opened the notification and it was him. Her heart didn't miss a beat or speed up, oh no. It completely contracted to the point she thought it would seize and then tied itself in a triple knot. It had been three years since she had last seen him. And now here he was asking her how she was. Her vision gave way and she felt dizzy. Was this really happening? She was catapulted straight back to that place that had only been reserved for him and at that moment it all became surreal, her mind melted into nothingness and her legs became jelly. They exchanged a few short messages and then he stopped, probably falling asleep since he was on the other side of the world.

But this would never do. She had to go to work and delivering to people required constant focus and good driving skills. She couldn't help reaching back through her playlist though to the song that had been theirs and as soon as she hit play, in between glancing at traffic lights and oncoming traffic, her mind went to their beautiful place. She felt so elated. She hadn't felt this elated in ... well, a long time anyway. That's why when she pulled up in the very steep driveway her attention was elsewhere and when she turned to make the delivery to the house something caught her eye in her peripheral vision. Christ, her car was rolling away. She froze. This was a sign, she just knew it! She indulged that thought for a second and then sprang into action. But the handbrake was up so why was it rolling? Ah, the gears. She shoved it into park and then walked backward with her hand over her heart feeling as if it was all some kind of a dream. Her car had almost slid away and so would her life if she didn't take it by the reigns. She somehow had to find a way to tell him that she would never be vulnerable to that kind of pain again and all she had to do was work out how. Could they just be friends?

Diary entry 17th October, 2016

I just want to feel like I'm beautiful again...

Listen while you read

Even if it's not the truth,
Even though there are a billion more,
Youthful and prettier women in the world than me,
And I know I'll never look like a twelve-year-old pornstar.

I just want to feel like I'm your only one,
Even though deep down I know that's impossible.

I just want to pretend that our love will last,
Even though I know that can never be.

I love you and if you care anything for me at all,
You'll understand all of this and you'll lie ... please lie.

Written 28th October, '16

Sunday, 9 July 2017

I like body odours ...

I love long, messy hair,
And I'm partial to beards,
I love houses over-run with children of all ages,
The porch on hot summer nights,
Birdsong and nature,
Chimney smoke and the sound of chainsaws,
Across my valley on cold, wintry days.

I want children to smell of the great outdoors,
And if you come into my house smelling of wood,
Hands belong in the dirt,
And are for making everything homemade,
And loving each other and animals.

Tell me your stories,
Reveal to me your flaws,
Fill me up with your words of love,
And of dreams crushed or as yet unfulfilled,
And I'll listen.

Don't come to me perfect,
I don't want photo-shopped,
I want battle scars that tell a story,
Keep it real and keep it simple,
Because only then can we really connect.

Written 30th June, 2017


Precious Pieces

Precious Sacred Scenes Unfold Haunted by the many pieces of me I have willingly given to others, Others that I made promises to that I wa...